9 months... i've been damn so busy with work and didn't even bother to check this e-journal. Whew! what a shame...

 It's been 9 months since I started hating to write... I don't want to document my thoughts and my feelings anymore... I don't want to think... I don't want to learn... I don't want to understand...

But then, I am who I am... my past... my present... my future... I will always be the same...

so here I am again laying my thoughts on this not so fancy journal...

I am overflowing with feelings... I am overflowing with ideas...yet I cannot write...

I'm happy now, happier than I was a year before... now I realized how it feels to learn to appreciate tha pains you had before... I'm loving my past, my present, and will love much my future...

 

I'm happier now...

y?

 I don't why I have to continue this. After reading it, i thought I have the responsibility to finish this but after seeing him...

 All thoughts were lost...

All feelings were gone...

Again...

its been quite a while.. i sit by the fone...

loving you... wo oh.. is such an easy thing to do, no you'll never know, its driving me crazy coz it grows and grows, no im not giving up and i won't let it stop coz loving you, is just a bit too much..

it's almost a year since i last laid my thoughts on this...

life was too fast and i never imagine that again, at this very moment, I am faced with a seemingly too difficult task of deciding for my future.

What do I really want for my life?

How can i achieve all my goals without giving up lots of things that matter to me?

How can I make people smile when leaving for them means tears?

Why is life bound to endless questions with less answers?

When I was a kid, I used to ask a lot of questions to my parents, my teachers.... to adult and i easily get satisfied with their answers... my mental capacity to comprehend wasn't too complicated maybe but then, at that time, I never ran out of questions but after all those, I could still sleep at night.

Being in grade school didn't give me too much stress. The only thing that stresses me was everytime I have to wake up early and take that cold bath before going to school... how i hate being forced to take a bath and i\m really chilling...

High school life was the best! and i would consider to still be the best days of my life. This was when I had my hmmmm...... first love... hahaha... that I just laugh at now. that was the time when I felt I really belong, having friends and exploring the world of fun.. adventure is a critical game coz everything you do at this stage of life is wrong... i gez everybody felt that... hehehe... that's teenage dilemna, you never did things the right way... but let's admit it! all our naughty tricks and adventures were all done in HS. Those are the things that brought spice to our lives. Thank God if you've handled it well and if in good hands you fell and goodluck for those who've gone astray.

College Life... oh yes college life... for me was the time to behave...

to be continued...

call 911 E - M - E - R - G - E - N - C - Y!!!!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

It's been 9 months and yet the diagnosis keeps on  failing... cardiac arrest? arrythmia?  what else?

Well, well... another story never told... (how I wish those letters were sent...)

I've been suffering from dementia these past hours... I can't compose my thoughts that  why I jumped over and looked for an internet cafe who can accomodate lunatics..

1st stop - kay ate bebs.. waaahhhh... wat happened to ate beb's place? got goosebumps so I left immediately.

2nd stop - kina sara... waaaahhhh... ingay!!!! pls... stop crying...

3rd stop - hang - out... miss ko na hang-out... waaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... dilim!!! tinablan nanaman ako ng takot...

Final destination - komputerko... finally... I'm now enjoying the sounds of the keyboards  as well as the stereo...

"I'ts not suppose to hurt this way. I need you! I need YOU! I need YOU more and more each day..."

WHY?

Now, I'm smiling...

WHY?

earlier I was hurting?

WHY?

do I have to answer?

WHY?

because I need you, i need you more and more each day..

TELL ME

are you and me still together?

Come back to me when you know just how you feel..

I can feel you near me, even though you're far away.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO HURT THIS WAY...

I hate to cry... It's over ...

TELL ME..

are you and me still together, you think we could last forever?

WHY?

Sakit sa ulo?

Do you think I'm making any sense here? Of course not!! I'm just typing anything I hear.. but...

WHY?

I've been faced with a lot of questions this past months, questions I don't have any idea how to answer or where to find the most logical answers to them..

STUPID? yeah damn stupid...

There are a lot of reasons why things happen and some of them, I just can't accept. Maybe because my standards are too high? or maybe because I just hate to..

fail...

But failures are inevitable ( same with pain!)

( hear! hear! applause!!!)

I'm sleepy... this blog entry is a nonsense..

goodnight!

Maybe tomorrow, my ideas are flowing...

I'm currently writing a short novel entitled

"inevitable"

If you happen to have any comments or would like me to post its intro, just give me bite...